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A new day in a new life

It's been a long time coming, and I've had to endure a lot of hardships to get where I am today. My life for the past few years has been a roller coaster of emotions, from euphoric joy to utter dismal depression. All along this journey, I've had several close friends and my wonderful children who have given me unconditional love and support for everything that I've gone through.

I've decided to finally come clean with the matter that has come to the forefront of my life and represents a turning point in my journey known as life.

Some time ago, I was diagnosed with Gender Identity Dysphoria. In layman's terms, I'm a woman trapped in a man's body. I've been living in denial for most of my life, trying to fit into what society deems fit for someone with a male body. People who know me personally would say I'm weird, kind, compassionate and not like most other men. They were right. I'm not like most other men. My heart isn't of a man; it never was.

As part of my treatment for my disorder, I've made the decision to live my life as the gender I identify with. I've already taken the steps needed and am both excited and terrified about what lies ahead for me. As of late, everyone I know with the exception of the woman I love and had been married to for 14 years has been supportive, understanding and accepting of who I really am. I didn't choose to want to be a woman. I was always a woman and that's what I wish to remain for the rest of my life.

Some of my friends, whom I haven't seen for years, will probably be very surprised at how I look, even now. But I feel much more confident in myself, I love how I look and am anxiously awaiting the day I shed my male disguise and former identity for good.

Many of my close friends and readers of my fanfiction already know about my true identity. For those of you for whom I hadn't disclosed this personally; please don't take offense. I'm only human.

My name is Rebecca Ann Heineman and I'm a transgendered woman. I'm glad to make your acquaintance.

"Burger" Becky Heineman
Software Engineer III
Electronic Arts Los Angeles


( 52 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
Mar. 29th, 2005 10:05 am (UTC)
wellcome to the world of femininity mate! ^_^

see? even Sailor Luna welcomes you! ^_^
Mar. 29th, 2005 04:39 pm (UTC)
well, this Does make more sense, I was wondering why you were using the nick burger becky sometimes.

i hope youll find happiness
Mar. 29th, 2005 06:54 pm (UTC)
Congratulations, you have picked a hard lifestyle, but knowing what you are, and who you are, is more than what most people can ever figure out.
The only caution I can say is that I hope it isn't a reaction to your recent breakup. If you felt this way all along, then great.If you feel this way because you are depressed than think about it for a while and make the decisions later. I think just about everyone wishes you the best.You have a wealth of friends that you may never meet...
Mar. 29th, 2005 07:13 pm (UTC)
I hope it works out for you....
If it makes you happy, go for it, and don't worry about anybody who tries to carp at you for it.

Be well, be happy, and don't let the bastards grind you down.


Mar. 29th, 2005 07:46 pm (UTC)
Few people have the courage to face such a difficult truth about themselves and even fewer will actually act upon it. Your bravery is commendable and will set a positive example to others in your situation.

おめでとうございます、ベキ-ちゃん。 おだいじに と がんばってください!!

Mar. 30th, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)
Mar. 29th, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC)
Just so you know, you have the support of the Temple (http://www.fukufics.com/viewtopic.php?p=25384). Gender dysphoria is a tough thing to deal with, and the fact that you've chosen decisively on the matter speaks greatly. I wish you the best, and hope that you enjoy your new life.

Best wishes,
Mar. 29th, 2005 10:38 pm (UTC)
You Go Girl !!!!!!

Hi Becky,

I think it is great that you can finally come to accept your true self!!! You have many friends and I hope you the best.

Mar. 29th, 2005 11:58 pm (UTC)
There is no shame in admitting what you feel and who you are. I wish you the best of luck on your way of life! :)
Mar. 30th, 2005 08:52 am (UTC)
It takes a lot of guts to make this announcemt publically

I have nothing but admiration for that

I wish you all the best for the future and hope this helps you find the happiness that seems to hav been lacking in your life (from reading your LJ)

Mar. 30th, 2005 09:46 am (UTC)
I can't say I've posted much in your LJ, if at all actually. I've read quite a bit of your fic though, and my boyfriend posts quite a bit (Calseris).
Now I have something approximating a computer and good internet access, I'm likely to be reading your LJ a lot more, and joining the Temple.

I'm glad you've discovered what will fulfill your life.
Life is nothing if we live it only in suffering.

Good luck with everything!

Mar. 30th, 2005 12:49 pm (UTC)
Good for you. Behind you all the way, and congratulations for pursuing your needs!
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
Maybe she sees it as her failing?
Your wife may feel it reflects badly on her as a woman, and it has nothing to do with what is actually the case...or she may fear her friends would see things that way. If my husband left me for another man I would feel I was at fault in some way. It is a kick in the teeth so to speak, you almost expect infidelity, but to go so far as to change genders could really hurt a spouse. So don't take her lack of support to hard, she is probably terribly confused on this. I am not accusing you of infidelity, more like she could expect that behavior than what is going on. My cousin went thru this same thing about 25 years ago when it was a lot less excepted. He/ later she had 5 kids that ended up refusing to speak to him, for some reason, his wife took it in stride. My cousin ended up concealing his past sex from everyone, and moved to AZ, where no one would know it.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Mar. 30th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
It's a tough decision, you've obviously struggled with this one a long time. Contratulations on the hard choice. I sympathize, and am a bit envious.

Hmmm, and now I know why your stories resonated so well with me. Good luck on the transition.

Mar. 31st, 2005 01:37 am (UTC)
It took a lot of courage to make such an announcement and I respect you for it, I've been wondering about the nick change to Burger Becky but seeing this journal entry I now know. Don't feel too bad about the lack of support from your spouse, it may of hurt her for you to make that decision but in time she'll eventually accept it. If not she'll eventually move on and hopefully find happiness. It's good that you have the support and love of many people to help you and I hope you're happy with your choice. Hope to be reading your fan fictions again and good luck with your new life.
Mar. 31st, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)
No wonder you are a Ranma 1/2 fan. Well, I wish I could send you some spring of drowned girl Jusenkyo water and something to lock your curse with, but sadly, I'm not the Jusenkyo guide and have never really seen any evidence that magic is real in the first place. (although stories about magical stuff is popular enough for me to belive there MAY be such thing)

I hope your recent choices and realizations don't hurt you and those around you too much and that you have a good life ahead of you. Can't say I understand what you are going through, but I can say I liked your Sailor Ranko writings and appreciate your involvement in porting EV: NOVA to PC.

I think that your stories of Sailor Ranko are one of the things that has recently inspiried me to take up writing more seriously myslef as I am considering becoming an English major and becoming a fiction writer and school teacher. For that I think you.
Mar. 31st, 2005 07:07 am (UTC)
Reminds me of Dana. Hard choice to make in my mind, but at least your true to yourself. As i said before when i wasn't a LJ user, hope things go better for you.
Mar. 31st, 2005 07:03 pm (UTC)
Good luck
I wish you luck in your new life. May the Gods and Goddess help in your new life.
I well be here to bug you about your stories as always.

Friend and reader
Jerry Unipeg
Apr. 1st, 2005 01:25 am (UTC)
Well, that certainly is a surprise. Somehow, I believe, that deep down, all people are the same and things like preferences and behavior are determined by hormones and the role assigned to them in their life... but I don't really know... There probably is more to that.

Anyway, please keep writing. I love your fan fiction.

Devil Dan
Apr. 3rd, 2005 03:03 pm (UTC)
A New Day/ A new life
Good for you! You do what you need to do to be who you really are! I applaud the strength and courage it took to reveal what you are going through to your readers(Of which I am one, I love your Work) Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo!
Apr. 4th, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC)
gender identity
Hello RAH,

I hope this change in life works well for you. My youngest brother also made this discovery about himself . . . how did (s)he describe it? Oh yeah, "sex is really what's between the ears and not the legs" I was told. I guess he meant that gender is a state of mind instead of body. He was 50 when he made the discovery and I sent him copies of all my Ranma tapes to amuse him while he was in therapy. He was trying to make the arrangements for the final surgery when he passed away. On a side note, I think that the author of Fragile Clay (Paul?) also is trangendered. Take care, Cloud Dreamer
Apr. 6th, 2005 06:15 pm (UTC)
To a difficult decsion
My you find happiness in your ongoing life. (Oh and keep up the great work!!!)
Apr. 6th, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
Good luck in the future
I know only know about this disorder from watching Maury (I hope I spelled it right) I hope you will be happy and well in the future and I hope that I can still chat online with you from time to time.

Until next time


Apr. 6th, 2005 09:35 pm (UTC)
WTF oh well just so long as you are happy i guess. i bet you wish you were ranma.
Apr. 6th, 2005 11:17 pm (UTC)
Re: wtf
I knew it. I just knew there was going to be one rather dumbass comment in all of this impending the shock, I was just waiting for when.

Anyways, you wouldn't be the first I know. I actually have a good friend over the net who lives in the UK that is getting ready to spend her life as a girl. Just got done getting her first haircut as one. Probably going to be rather jittery for her over the next few months getting used to the large amount of change, except she's half your age as well. That would pretty much be the only difference I see here...but then I guess I can reflect on what she said as well, most times you can spend your life in denial about your own feelings and never act on them. I guess with that in mind you do yourself more than a favor by going ahead and deciding your life like this, even at the expense of dumbass critques and the overall impending shootdowns that I'm more than sure you're going to get if you haven't already. Something tells me, though, that you have more than enough self-esteem to go about doing this, otherwise you would've stayed the way you were and never really gone through with the life that could have been.

In this way, you get an opportunity that most people wouldn't even dream of or at least wouldn't ever envision for them to even get a view of in their lifetime.

Personally, I don't think being reflecting Rebecca to Ranma is a good enough analogy but it'd be rather close. However, if you took Deborah Goldsmith's view into it, one of the links she provides on her homepage, then I think I know how this could go. In that story, Ranma was pretty much forced into getting used to his boy side at an early age, not really knowing that he was a girl at birth. This is a rather similar comparison here and yet kind of not. If nothing else, I could see how you would relate to something like that, even if you never came out and said something about it until now.

Bottom line, it's your choice. I'm only half your age, I barely know you other than a fanfic author and a seemingly reputable person who works for EA, haven't IMed you once even though I've got you in my allow list for a long-ass time now, but I can honestly say that like the next person, it's your life. You do what you have to. Obviously, you know more about yourself than anyone else because you're going through with something that you think is right and with that you should have all the support rather than a 'WTF?' ridicule. So, go for it. You've got the rest of your life to figure out if what you're pursuing right now is right, and I wish you all the best.
(Deleted comment)
Re: wtf - krisrat - Apr. 9th, 2005 08:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 8th, 2005 09:31 pm (UTC)
I admit... I did NOT see this coming.

Then again-- I never do-- you know how clueless I can be at times.

Hope it goes well, Rebecca. Hope that you can make it all the way. Hope that you'll be happy.


And just to be silly... after all the mechanics and whatnot are done, assuming you can get them all done...

Hope that you can look really good in a bikini! Hey, if that strange 50 year old grandma in those excercise commercials can--

NOT mean spirited... just saying... if this is what you choose and want... I hope you can pull it off fully. And best of luck... and, well, if you ever DO get to the point where you can pull off a bikini...

Can I have a photo? ^_^

Best of wishes.
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( 52 comments — Leave a comment )